Creating Connection Through Marshall B. Rosenberg’s Nonviolent Communication
The quality of our relationships is rooted in empathetic connection, not in control or judgment. When we recognize that everyone’s needs are interdependent, conflict stops being a threat and becomes an opportunity for understanding and meaningful encounter.
In relational and educational contexts alike, this means moving beyond a judgment-based language (“right/wrong,” “good/bad”) and adopting a way of communicating grounded in feelings and needs. Saying “I struggle when this happens because I need safety” opens space for dialogue and cooperation; saying “It’s wrong for you to do that” shuts down communication and creates guilt.
Nonviolent Communication is, in this sense, a true “revolution of tenderness”: it calls us to express ourselves—and, when needed, to guide others—with respect, presence, and attentive listening. It fosters an authentic space where each person can feel seen and understood. The goal is not to prevail over others, but to build relationships rooted in freedom, trust, and voluntary cooperation.
Through empathy and the sincere expression of one’s needs, we develop a form of shared power—an influence that arises from the mutual desire to contribute to each other’s well-being, rather than from fear or coercion.
The Pillars of Nonviolent Communication
NVC, developed by Marshall Rosenberg, is a process grounded in empathy, authenticity, and mutual respect. It aims to build relationships based on understanding one another’s needs rather than relying on judgment or control.
Its three fundamental components are:
Self-empathy – listening to oneself and recognizing one’s real needs.
Empathy – listening to others without judgment.
Honest self-expression – communicating one’s feelings and needs clearly and authentically.
NVC values vulnerability as a tool for connection and discourages behaviors such as judging, comparing, analyzing, demanding, or using absolute expressions (“never,” “always”).
The Four Steps of NVC
Observe without judging – describe what happened neutrally, separating observations from evaluations.
Recognize feelings – identify the authentic emotions linked to the experience.
Identify needs – understand the values and needs underlying those feelings.
Make clear requests – express what you would like in a respectful and precise way, fostering connection.
Nonviolent Receiving
Alongside expressing our own needs, NVC also invites us to cultivate nonviolent receiving of what the other person communicates. This means listening without defending ourselves or responding with judgments, and instead welcoming the other’s message through the same four steps: what facts they perceive, what emotions they are feeling, which needs may be involved, and what implicit request they may be expressing.
This kind of listening transforms even difficult words into opportunities for understanding, creating a safe space that reduces tension and strengthens mutual connection.
